Roommates or Helpmates?

Hey y’all… I’m sorry for being gone so long! I’m an events coordinator at my job and we have been really busy these past few weeks. I’m off for a few days moving and running errands so I made time for this post. 

I saw this post on Facebook this morning and decided to read the comments. Of course, I saw one I did not agree with and decided to share my opinion. 

Before I share my opinion, I’ll post the status here. 

This is how my parents operate, so I definitely 100% agree with this post. They will be married 31 years in July and it works for them. My dad pays the major bills and my mom took care of the home & kids. I never saw my dad going to Sam’s Club or Costco buying tissue or groceries unless my mom was out of town. For one, he didn’t buy the right kind. And two, he was busy working 60+ hours a week (he retired from BRPD in January 2016). Sure he made Walmart runs here and there but his responsibility was not grocery shopping.

I guess that’s the “old school” mentality because nowadays, it seems like most married couples are just roommates. Splitting half the bills. Half of everything… Everyone wants to be equal. 

I know what you’re thinking… she’s single. What does she know? Not much. But I do know that most couples divorce or separate because of finances (and infidelity). 

Years ago, men paid all the bills because women didn’t work (primarily, no education). Nowadays – women have jobs, degrees and really only need a man for their companionship and sperm (and that’s another conversation). BUT – they still make less than men, in most cases. 

In an ideal world, you’d have 3-4 accounts. A joint savings, a joint checking, personal savings and personal checking. Joint savings and checkings are just that. Use them for fixed expenses, each person would put a percentage of their check into the account according to your salary, expenses and goals. Then the personal account would be just for you and what you want to spend it on. It would probably alleviate the “You bought XYZ” but there’s no money for the Uverse bill. 

Bottom line, do what works for you and your marriage/relationship. But I’ll be damned if I’m going through each bill as a line item dividing by 2 with my husband.  

How do y’all feel? Do you and your mate each pay $4.99 plus tax for the Hulu account? Is he paying $5 for your IPSY bag? Are you paying $100 (I’m assuming, don’t know much they cost) for his Jordan’s? 

5 thoughts on “Roommates or Helpmates?

  1. I agree. My Dad pays the Mortgage and Insurance (home and his and my mom’s cars). My mom grocery shops (I pay the electric bill cause I’m never home and need a place to hold my items) and makes sure the house is in order!

    I don’t know this 50/50 in a marriage stuff! That’s what they do up north. When I was living in Boston, my Ex said it’s 50/50. Hence why he’s an ex.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ok let’s “bre” honest. In 2017, we cannot compare our current situation to that of our presents and grandparents due to the fact that this is a different type of world. Back in the day when dad or grand dad did it all the average price of a home was 15k, new car 1500, and so far. Now unless you’re making an astronomical amount of money it takes two or more incomes just to survive. The median home price in my area is 500k yet the salaries don’t match up so when a man needs his woman’s help he shouldn’t be emasculated because it’s life. I do think that ultimately it is the man’s responsibility to provide and protect his family but I do think that the wife should contribute and help him where he lacks. And if we are truly committed to each other and the relationship then the money would be theirs as a unit so it wouldn’t matter anyway. I know men who go to work and work hard everyday tireless for their families and it still isn’t enough and in that case his wife should have not one issue with saying ok. I will help pay the mortgage with you because we are a team.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey since I posted the status of course I agree. My parsnts will hit 31 years tomorrow and my mom been a housewife for going on 23 years. My mom made sure the children and house was good. Grocery and all household things. My dad paid bills, and yes times have changed and the cost of living is high, but I’m not paying any mortgage or insurance. I’ll pay cable and I’ll pay lights, because he’s the man. You shouldn’t have a family if you can’t probide the basic necessities.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So you’ve met the man of your dreams… he’s accessible, patient, committed, supportive, family-oriented, faithful, would give you the shirt off his back, lay down his life for you, cater to you, (or whatever else you look for) etc etc etc… He had all these qualities, yet, let’s say he doesn’t make quite as much as you do. He’s not worthy anymore because he can’t carry a majority of the weight? Yea, it’s your choice who you marry and how you live in that marriage but unless he is just stacked, it takes two incomes to run a household. I believe that when a couple gets married they become “one.” If it comes out of your account or if it comes out of his, it’s all flowing out of the same household so what difference does it make? There should be no such thing as him falling on hard times. If he’s having a hard time, then you are too. In a marriage no one should seemingly be doing “better” than the other. When I married my husband I made way more than he did. I carried most of the weight because he couldn’t. I didn’t emasculate him or make him feel less than because of his situation. He had the desire to position himself better for his family and he has. That’s apart of leading a family too. The roles are “reversed” now but it wouldn’t have mattered because we are a team. No one would ever know that unless I said it because I didn’t make him “pay the mortgage because I’ll be damned…” I just did it. Now with no hesitation or asking he just does it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well my parents also had that arrangement where my dad paid everything and my mom was home raising us. And my dad taught me and my sister that we were to be taken care of the same way well I would not have it any other way but the thing about it I never had to say a word I’ve been married five years and my husband has always paid all the bills by chose he’s a good provider and a loving husband. I work by chose and help out by chose with furniture, trips, and different things I like us to do. But yes I’m sure you get the point I’m on the man is the head.

    Liked by 1 person

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