Is a kid a deal breaker? 

I went to dinner/happy hour last night, well actually I’m just leaving and it’s almost 3:45am. And there was very heated debate that occurred about dating people with children. 

At THIS point in my life, I would prefer NOT to date someone with a kid or has kids. I’m not saying, I would not not date someone with kids. But IF I had a choice, I would prefer to not date a man with kids. 

Like say I had two doors with different men behind each door and the same qualities and the guy behind door #2 has kids – I’d pick the guy behind door #1, 9x out of 10. 

I’ve acknowledged that I’m selfish. I have a lot of daddy issues going on in my life. I’m spoiled. I cuss A LOT. I know these things. I’m not at a place in my life where I can be a (step)parent to anybody’s child. Hell, if I had a kid right now, I couldn’t be the parent I want to be to that child. 

Andplusalso, I just want my own family…with my husband. I don’t want to have to deal with the kid, his/her mom and their feelings into consideration. I could never be first in their life. I’d never have ALL of him because part of him will always be with the child’s mom. She got to give him something that only his wife should be the one to give him. 

No matter what, that kid will always come first. And then you’d look like the bad person because you want to be put first before the child (that’s not yours), especially if plans were cancelled or rescheduled because of the kids. 

I’ve dated/messedaround with guys who had kids. So I’m not going to not date you because you have a kid. But if we are really working on building something and you plan on loving me flaws and all and vice versa – it’s just easier to not deal with the “burden” of an extra person (and their mom) in the mix. 

Let’s say we get married and have our own kids… Holidays, birthdays, etc would all be split. And you’d (me) have to overcompensate because that’s not your kid. And at this point in my life, I’m just not ready to put another child before the ones I will birth. 

And also, DISCIPLINING the child. Are you able to discipline them? Spank them? Put them in time out? Oh… you can’t? Because that’s not your kid. 

So I’d rather not deal with all of the potential baggage that comes with dating a man with a kid or kids. The desire list for my husband that I’ve given to God does not have “must/cannot have kids” on it. That’s just not what I want for my life. And it’s okay to disagree because guess what? It’s my life and I have to live it. 

It’s just a preference. Just like people don’t want to date fat people or people with brown eyes or a certain height. It’s just that my preference would be to date someone with a child.  


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