That’s just my baby daddy 

It’s baacckkkkk! So me and Nick are here again with #DoubleStandardThursdays and today we will be talking about dating someone who has a child. 

Nick is the father to the cutest kindergartener ever, Miss Skylar. He’s engaged to her mother and their wedding is later this month. 

Me? I just returned a dog to her mother after having it for 30 minutes because she had #grinchfeet. That should tell you about my motherliness… 

So let’s see how Nick and I felt about the topics being that we have opposing views. 

Nick
I see nothing wrong at all when it comes to dating an individual that has a child before you came into the picture. Just like any type of ship, “relationship, friendship, the etc” for my slow people, you ultimately have a choice to deal with something or not when it comes that individual is. 

Of course as men and women we all have a different look on things when it comes to the subject. Most men, the ones I know at least, do not give a DAMN about a woman having a child. “That child ain’t got shit to do with me” is the man mindset which I totally agree with lol. 

Now, of course if the two decide to get closer emotionally and want to pursue a relationship, then he has to be willing to accept her child especially if they are going to be long-term(marriage).
 
Now for the Womenz, they do not think like that. A good friend of mine says, “DON’T DO IT, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!” but she is just crazy and she doesn’t really mean that. 

For womenz, dating a man with a child is a little bit more difficult if you ask me. Reason why I say that is because we all know that men play games and we can’t be naïve to that. 

9/10 the man is still dealing with the mother of his child on different levels which essentially will make the dating process much harder than a man who is not dealing with the mother of his child. A man that ultimately wants his family but at that time not really sure where him and the mother of the child stand is a cry for help. 

There so much emotion and thought that takes place during that process. If that is the case with a man you are dating, then yeah yall need to go ahead and get up out of there. You will be in a constant fight for attention, fight with yourself on if you should leave or not leave. It is just a constant battle/war that 9/10 you will not win. Sucks but it is reality! 
 
Now if you catch a man who has a child but literally has no type of anything with the mother of his child and they just co-parent and that’s it? I think you have found yourself a winner. 

The growth that a man goes through while having a child is tremendous, especially if he has a daughter. This doesn’t apply to every man but what I like to think of a man, PAUSE! He doesn’t play the same games as before and ultimately he just takes care of the household or whoever he has love for. 

So if you can get in his good graces to where he lets you in his life to be an addition to his child, you’re good in my book. You just have to know your place and know that you will never come before his child but he should do whatever it takes to make up for whatever time is lost.
 
This all can apply to womenz as well but of course I cant speak for yall. I can only speak on behalf of the Daddies That Slang D$%k! 

Bre

I love kids, the ones that belong to other people. I’ve been babysitting since before I was legally able to stay unaccompanied at home. 

No lie. It was me, my brother, his friends Trell, Lathan, Trey and our cousin Breon. I think I was like 9. I watched all of them until our parents got off work. If I forgot my house key, we’d hang out outside until my dad woke up or heard us bang on the window (he worked nights). 

Back to topic at hand… I would just prefer to date someone who does have not have a child or any children. In most cases I’ve seen, it gets messy. I would have to deal with the child’s mother, custody and baby mama dramaaaaaa. 

It’s already hard enough dating someone without kids. Then to throw a kid and their parent in the mix. Nahhhhhh I’m good on that. 

Here’s why: 

1. I’m selfish and spoiled. I thought I’d grow out of it. But I’m 26 and I’ve decided to accept these ‘character flaws.’ Yes, I’ve matured over the years but at the end of the day, I still don’t like to share. Which brings me to my next point…

2. I’d never have ALL of my husband. He’s already given himself to another woman. She’s always going to have a piece of him. That will always be his firstborn. I’d have to name my son something else because she chose your name and added Jr behind it. 

Yes, I’m sure that he probably won’t be a virgin but to have a kid with someone is on another level. Because at some point, you contemplated working things out with that person – no matter the level of the relationship. And that may always be your back up plan. 

3. The child ALWAYS comes first. Like no matter what. If we were married or in a relationship, it’d be a different story because it’s OUR child. But since we aren’t, his child comes before his girlfriend. And as a girlfriend, you can’t just be like “Fuck your kid’s one line in the Christmas play and let’s go to Painting With a Twist” because you just can’t. 

4. I don’t have time to be impressing a child for a man’s love. I’ve dated a guy who had a son and I found myself buying shit for the kid in addition to my man. 

When I’m not at work, almost every sentence has at least one cuss word. They are my favorite words. Now, I have to watch my words and try to cuss because the LAST thing you need is the kid learning a ‘bad word’ and saying, “I learned when I was with my daddy girlfriend.” I’d be perfectly okay with corrupting my own kid but not someone else’s. It’s not my right! Which brings me to my next point… 

5. It’s not my kid. I’m not sure if I could love another woman’s child as my own. I’m being honest… I feel like my children would have name brands and my step kid would have Great Value or Equate. I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve had to care for another child as my own. I know that’s not right to feel that way because the child didn’t ask to be here or put in this situation but right now in this stage in my life – I don’t think I’m ready to be anyone’s step/bonus mother or a biological mother. 

Now, that’s not to say that my husband won’t have kids; at least I hope not. I asked the Lord for one with no kids but we all know He gives you what you need and it’s not always what we want. 

I’m pretty sure if things did not go according to my plan, I’d be the perfect step/bonus mom. Co-parenting like Russell Simmons and Kimora Lee but right now, in my state of mind – I don’t think I’m ready for that. So I’d rather not put myself or anyone’s child through that.

Another point to think about ☝🏾️… Let’s be honest, sometimes you ask yourself and the man, “what’s wrong with you?” if they don’t have any kids. I mean it’s 2016, EVERYONE has kids. Even my grandma told that I should be prepared to be a step mother. So, that’s something to think about as well. 

Let us know how y’all feel! Would you prefer to date someone with or without a child? What’s your experience like? Let’s discuss! 

3 thoughts on “That’s just my baby daddy 

  1. Lmfaoooo the name brand/great value comment tho! I’ve tried dating guys with kids in the past, several times and it was a horrific experience every single time. So much unnecessary drama, at this point in my life, I couldn’t do it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bre you have a great deal of good points. One thing I’d like to correct. In a marriage, God is first, then the spouse and then the kids although we all live that sideways and put the kids first. We all need to pause and take a step back to put our mates first so that we keep that relationship strong to show the kids what family and relationship should be like. The black family, for the most part has still been successful because we are strong in our faith, no matter what. We have always found strength to make everything work for the good when it came to our family, no matter what the order, but I know that God was definitely first.

    Although that man or woman may bring a child into a relationship, they have a responsibility, but the child is not first. They have to support you or their mate because at the end of the day, you’re their support. The child at that point still needs and is only an inspiration, not the support they need to make the family unit strong and successful.

    That’s just an older perspective, but I’ve had several clergymen tell me of that order of priority.

    #offmysoapbox

    Like

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