I moved to Dallas a little over two years ago and at first, I didn’t really know anyone outside of family. That meant my dating life was pretty much nonexistent. Sure I had “friends” back home in Baton Rouge or in other cities, but what was that going to do for me in DALLAS?
My coworker told me about an app called “Plenty of Fish” and how she met her boyfriend of 2 years on it. Y’all know my eyes lit up and I went home and downloaded the app that same night.
Of course there were guys who obviously just wanted to smash. But this one guy messages me and we hit it off. He liked to workout and at the time, I would go to the gym 2x a month. In my mind, I pictured us working out together.
Let’s be honest, I’m fat. So I purposely had at least 2-3 full length pictures on my profile so guys would know they what they were getting into.
Fast forward to the next week. We made plans to meet at Cheddar’s.
I know some of y’all are thinking “Cheddar’s?!” Bruh, I loveeee me some Cheddar’s!!!! Those honey butter croissants that melt in your mouth and them $5 big ass, strong ass drinks!? So fellas, if you low on cash and wanna take your girl on a date – take her to Cheddars. Both of y’all can eat and drink for under $30. You’re welcome.
Anyway, I’m there first, as usual. I had already texted my best friend my location, his phone number and the picture on his profile in case he kidnaps me. So I wait for him to text me that he made it and we agreed to meet me at the entrance.
I walk up and wait for him to come. His profile said he was 6 feet 1 inch and dudes be exaggerating on their height. So I expected him to be about 5 feet 9 or 10 inches; height doesn’t really matter to me long as you’re tall enough for me to wear heels. Just don’t lie and give me a visual but not live up to it. This man was all of 5 feet 5 inches. I’m 5 feet 5 inches. *face palm*
So we introduce ourselves, exchange church hugs and walk into the restaurant. He tells me I can order whatever I want to drink and I order a strawberry margarita and my usual ‘water and 2 lemons.’ We make small talk. There’s a slight pause in the conversation and he starts moving his chest. Like you know guys move their pecs up and down repeatedly? That’s what he was doing.
This is how the conversation went from there:
Me: What are you doing? What’s wrong with your chest?
Him: Oh this? This happens automatically. I can’t help it.
Me: You can’t help but move your chest like that? Ohhhh…
Then I finally get a chance to look at his eyes because him moving his chest is very annoying and distracting. Now this man has a very dark complexion and he has hazel contacts. He knew good and well those were not his eyes! Y’all know I had to ask…
Me: Are those colored contacts?
Him: Yeah my doctor gave me some of these on the side.
Me: Don’t you have to pay extra for them?
Him: Nah, he just put some extra in my bag.. You don’t like them?
Me: I mean they are your eyes. But I didn’t know they still made them.
As we wait for our drinks, the conversation gets back on target for a while. My date tells me that he has to run to the restroom. I take this time to update my best friend. I’m pretty sure the text read something along the lines of “Bitchhhhhhh this dude has colored contacts!!!!!”
About 5 minutes or so pass and my date hasn’t returned. So I inform the waiter that I was going to the restroom. I went to the restroom, hoping maybe we would see each other coming out.
I return to the table. Then–I realize this fool is NOT coming back.
I call over the waiter and say, “I’m not sure where he went but you can cancel the drinks. Thank you.”
I walk out of the restaurant, stopped at Wendy’s on the way home, got me a Frosty and caught up on my DVR!